For a long time now, people living on Mars have experienced extremely low flood insurance rates. Considering the planet was thought to have no liquid water, the chance of water damage to Martian property was thought to be very low. This has led to a thriving Martian economy due to the excess cash flow of Martian Colonists who were not forced to pay exorbitant flood insurance rates that are common on Earth
However, NASA has recently announced that they have found evidence of flowing liquid water on Mars. With the new discovery of flowing water on the red planet, the interplanetary insurance commission has changed the risk levels on Mars for flash flooding, water damage, deluges, and other aquatic hazards.
The head of the Mars relocation Initiative has ridiculed the interplanetary insurance commissions findings claiming that the amount of flowing water on Mars is not significant enough to pose a threat to any structures, or people in the Martian colonies, and insinuated that NASA scientists may be on the take from big insurance companies prompting claims of flowing water so that the insurance companies can justify raising rates.
One local Martian colonist (who agreed to be interviewed under condition of anonymity) said, “I’ve been on Mars for 15 years now, and I have never seen flowing water. This is all bullsh*t made up by these fat cat insurance people to raise our rates!”
Meanwhile, the International Aquaphobia Society has canceled all plans for their new Martian colonies until studies can be concluded as to whether Mars still holds property suitable to their needs. The Martian Land development board claims that there are still millions of acres of Martian land available with no flowing water, and has encouraged the International Aquaphobia Society to come take a look at some of their pristine arid properties.
*This article is a work of satire